nothing will fuck you up as much as the realization that there’s no real reason the alphabet needs to be in order
my package still hasn’t came i give up
did you try switching hands
"omg u look like-" I dont care
"omg u remind me of-" I dont care
"omg u act like-" I dont care
I dont care
my friends sister was telling me about how in highschool a guy tried to take a picture up her skirt as she was walking up stairs and she saw, grabbed his phone, broke it in half, and handed it back to him and said “you can tell your mom why your phones broken”
for a second I forgot about flip phones and I was like how in the holy hell did she rip a phone in half
who the fuck is this ‘You’ guy reblogging things exactly the same time as i do. Very sketchy
in the south
- we only refer to people as y’all. that group of people over there? y’all. our mamas? y’all. you? y’all.
- everyone chews tobacco
- we have wells where we can draw up sweet tea from the ground
- nobody pursues education past the age of 12
- we all know how to run a farm
- we cry about the civil war at least once a day, twice on sundays
- only country music plays. ever
does anybody else legitimately worry about how they’re going to share a bed with their partner when they’re older? like buddy i need all the blankets to make a burrito and then i need to throw them off of me dramatically in the middle of the night and lie spread-eagled across the entire bed how is this going to work
my texting speed varies from embarassingly fast to one week later slow
i ordered pizza and i was like ‘hey sorry you have to work on thanksgiving’ to the delivery girl and she was like ‘i feel worse for the person ordering pizza on thanksgiving’ ouch
sometimes i really want to explore abandoned places but then i remember that i sprint out of rooms after i turn the lights off
Why does no one tell me if we have people over, I just walked downstairs wearing a ‘say hey if youre gay’ T-shirt and batman boxers. We had 8 people over.
They sawdid any of them say hey
Today my coworker offered me pot.
Him: you’re a smoker, right?
Him: oh. Okay. I was looking to make some money.
Me: nah, I’m not personally into that so you can’t market to me.
*continues normal conversations*
And frankly guys, that’s how I think all offers should go. Not just pot. And not just illicit activities, but that if one party isn’t interested the other doesn’t pressure the first. That’s all.